By Natalie Duvall, EdD, MFA
Annville, PA
As I write this, Russia continues to be at war with Ukraine, having invaded them against the support of the general global consensus. War is a terrible thing that leads to devastating losses for all sides, and even though this is happening between two countries a very large ocean away from us, the idea of it is causing stress and distress for many Americans.
As parents, we often try to shield our children from trauma and the darker aspects of what occurs in the world. It is our natural instinct to want to make our children feel safe and secure. Because of that, many parents might avoid talking to their younger children about the war. However, that’s not always the best path of action. In a world where little ears have easy access to world news, talking to children about this war can help them in two ways: they can process and understand what they hear in a safe space, and they can also start to develop the moral foundations we all hope our children will have as adults.
So what is the best way to approach this with young kids?
- First, ask your children if they have heard about the war in Ukraine. Phrase this depending on your child’s age. For example, for our nine-year-old, we asked if he knew what was going on between Russia and the Ukraine. For our five-year-old, we phrase it by asking if he knew some countries across the world were fighting. It’s important that once you ask your children the question you sit back and listen to their answers. They might ask for clarification about what you mean, and if they do, provide a little. Don’t feel you need to go into a history of Putin, the Soviet Union, and European topography. It’s important to ask your children what they know first so that you can be aware of what they have picked up from televisions at the doctor’s office, YouTube ads, and adult conversation.
- Next, and perhaps most importantly, once your children tell you what they know, if anything, assure them that they are safe. With young children, one of the best ways to do this is to explain to them that Russia and Ukraine are very far away. Prepare yourself, kids might have heard that the war could affect the price of things over here and be concerned about that. Children whose parents are in the military might have heard discussion about the US getting involved in the fight. Some children might have even heard the recent story about a six-year-old dying. No matter what your children’s worries, it’s important to reassure them that they are safe.
- Finally, meet your children where they are, and let them know the kid-appropriate realities of war. Explain that people on both sides get hurt when wars start. Depending on your faith beliefs, you can suggest that your family pray for peace and safety for families in Russia and Ukraine, or you can take some time to think about and hope for peace and safety. By doing this, you’re helping your children build empathy and compassion. This book list is an additional support for helping children process the topic and learn empathy.
As parents, we are all in different places, and hold different political and philosophical beliefs when it comes to serious things like war and warfare. It is our job as parents to work with those beliefs as we see fit when it comes to our children. It’s also our job to make sure our children can make sense of the world they are in. Even though war is an adult topic, we shouldn’t think that our children are immune to knowing about it. So take some time, sit with your children, follow their lead, and don’t be afraid to discuss the war.
Come back next week for Part 2, which will discuss how to talk about the war with older kids.
Author: Natalie Duvall
